Lesson #41: How to deal with grief

Grief is part of life. Even though we know it exists, most of the time we are only experiencing it when something unforeseen happens to us. The unexpected is usually a LOSS of any kind, be it a job, money, health, house, or somebody dear to us. Usually because we are not prepared, it hits us hard, and we have no clue on how to deal with it or its effect. It can either make or break us. Can we prepare ourselves? Definitely yes…

After being absent from writing for almost a year, as you can see, I came back, but not empty-handed. I came up with and wanted to share with you a new lesson, number #41. As many of you already know, last year, I had to learn the biggest lesson of my life yet, which was how to deal with the loss of my father. I am certain in such circumstances, grieving is heavy on anyone, not only on me.

Until not long ago, I could not even think of losing someone dear to me, without shedding tears. Honestly, I was terrified just by the idea itself, let alone talking about it, or imagine how it would be when it happens, or how my life will be without them. After I started practicing yoga, I slowly changed. I was finally able to accept death and view it differently. The meaning was not the same anymore, and it made me realize I came in this world and I will go from here alone.  

Because of this realization, how I processed everything related to my father’s death made it more bearable. I was conscious of every moment and I did not get lost in my emotions. I was in control, and by knowing I could not bring him back the only thing left for me was to celebrate his life. It was like a movie that played in my head repeatedly on how he was, how he influenced my life, how many things he taught me, etc.

Do not get me wrong, it was not easy, I cried a lot (and I still do) but those were and are tears of appreciation for everything he did and meant to me. I was so lucky and it was an honor for me to call him DAD. The void he left will never be filled, and I will miss him for the rest of my life. His blessings will be with me forever!

I comprehended it was not the death we grief but the loss, and when I understood the subject was not taboo anymore. How we perceive relationships in our life plays a significant role in how we handle grief. Therefore, it is a matter of perspective, if we see them as a way to complete us then when one leaves us we are left empty, lost, and purposeless.    

My point here is, in order to be prepared for everything that comes our way, we should learn and practice throughout our life that, “what we have does not decide who we are. Who we are decides what we have in our lives’’ (Sadhguru, 2018). It is valid regardless of the type of loss we experience, and we should use our emotions in a creative way.